Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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