My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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