If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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