I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
