You really coming over, don't trick.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize