I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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