once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
