so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
