There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
