Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
