I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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