My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
