He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Come on in and take your pants off
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