So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
is that a dick in a sweater?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
