My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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