Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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