where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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