How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize