I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
