It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
