you would pick up someone in the library
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
