Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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