First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
