PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
