is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
