Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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