I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
