so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I love having hate sex.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
