you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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