We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
