just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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