and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
