i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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