I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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