i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
