Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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