No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
