I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
