There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
