U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
