We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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