I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
