Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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