I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
