just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
