brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
