Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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