Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
