so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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