I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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