He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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