There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
