i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize