You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
