singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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