are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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