Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
