yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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