I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
