Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
