Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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