So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
