I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You're like the curious george of whores
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
