I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
