she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
