I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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