I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
