I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
