Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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