Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
