so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This is my gift to your gina
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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