How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
