I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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