Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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