Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
