I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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