Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
