a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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