how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
