she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize