I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's like God shit irony all over that family
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize