I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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