he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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