just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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