he wants to bone in the snuggie
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
