I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
