Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
