Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
