TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize