Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
