She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
