then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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