dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize