I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
