The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
