Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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