I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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