We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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