just tell him i said nine months
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
