I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
