he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
