omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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