I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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